My First Turning Point
Initially, this created a lot of confusion for me. It seemed like each expert had a different opinion! But as the years progressed, I started to learn the principles for health and healing that works for ME. The bloating stopped. The rosacea on my skin improved a lot, and eventually, as I learned to incorporate emotional and somatic healing, my skin finally healed completely. Anxiety disappeared without medication.
My once tired brain was now filled with energy and purpose. I started to realise that all the health set backs I’d had now were actually gifts. They all served as learning opportunities, problems that just needed to be solved.
n my spare time, I studied every facet of nutrition – human biology and biochemistry in particular. I started learning about how vital the nutrients of fruits and vegetables are for practically every system of the body. The nervous system. Endocrine system. Digestive system.
I started my business, The Raw Food Girl, creating recipes of my own. Raw creations to replace the junk in my diet. I published one recipe book. Then two. Then three. I used my recipes to teach these principles to small classes around my kitchen table, eventually growing to large events with over 100 people in attendance.
During times of stress and overwhelm (adding a fourth child in 2014), nutrition became my crutch to fall back on. It was always there for me, adding vital nutrients to my body on a daily basis.
But the further I went down the path of perfecting my diet, the harder things became. The pressure I put myself under to ‘live up to my label’ was becoming exhausting. I thought I had ‘fixed’ myself through my diet – however in reality, it had simply become a bandaid for the limiting beliefs I still held about my own self worth.
It’s only in hindsight that I can see what a gift that burn out was for me. It started me on a journey of self discovery, becoming aware that there is so much more to healing than food can do alone. Repressed emotions and limiting beliefs are major disruptors of energy, and in this space, where I had run my body into the ground, was I willing to finally surrender and FEEL.
I saw countless therapists during this period. Psychologists, psychotherapists, chiropractors, acupuncturists, kinesiologists, energy healers… ‘Healing’ became my new obsession. And while I have so much respect for each of these methodologies, nothing blew the boundaries on my negative internal dialogue the way NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Hypnosis and Time Line Therapy® has.
This style of coaching and language has made so much sense to me, literally re-programming my mind to think in a different way. It taught me how to gain the lessons out of all the hard experiences, changing anger into gratitude and grief into empowrement. I now look back on those dark days and smile; the growth I gained in these moments is insurmountable.
I’m now certified as a Trainer and Master Practitioner in all three holistic modalities. Along the way, I also became a Certified Trauma Informed Breathwork Practitioner, and combining with ancient nutrition principles, I now help women tap break free of their own trauma, connecting them to their feminine desires to experience a full mind, body and spirit healing, restoring their factory settings of unlimited self worth and abundance.
My anxiety is gone. Self doubt and fear = gone. I eat whatever foods I care for, without any gut issues. My skin has completely cleared. The way I feel about myself is nothing short of fabulous. I know who I am. I love who I am. And the best part? It’s unconditional.
If I can do it, you can do it too 🙂
I started to realise a perfect diet was not going to mask the emotional problems I was now facing. It came increasingly evident that my once happy marriage, was seriously struggling. This pushed me into a state of volatile emotional instability, causing me to become more and more dissociated from my emotions. I was hurting, a lot – but masked it with my work. My diet became the source of my happiness, as it was the only thing I felt I had control over.
I started to become increasingly obsessed what I ate. Disordered eating was my normal. I developed orthorexia (an obsession with healthy eating to the point it becomes unhealthy), as a result of the stress, pushing myself to do extreme fasts and cleanses.
In 2019 I could not pretend anymore. Upon learning that my husband had betrayed me, I stopped eating all together. My weight plummeted to 51kgs.
The extreme emotional turmoil and anorexic behaviours caused my body to be thrown way out of balance again. My skin flared up again, with vengeance – adult acne and rosacea covered my cheeks and sometimes, my lips. I barely ate, yet my gut hurt. I felt ugly and worthless, living in a constant state of shame and believing that I would never be good enough.
Mentally, emotionally and physically, I was at rock bottom. I felt trapped and scared, not knowing what to do. I started withdrawing into myself. Negative emotions and limiting beliefs ran rampant. It’s a place I never want to be in again, however, it’s a place that I see was so necessary for me to go to.
For in this space of being completely broken, I was able to finally start healing.
My Second Turning Point
In July 2020 I couldn’t keep up this facade any longer.
I ended my marriage.
In the year following my divorce, I did many things to distract from grief and pain. When my kids were with their dad, I worked all the time. The 18 hour days I was putting in was gifting me with a fantastic amount of success – and once again, on the outside it looked like I was thriving. Working gave me a sense of achievement; my business grew rapidly, and so did my income. I moved into my dream home, convinced myself that I was now “living my best life” and tried hard to leave the trauma of my past behind.
But it doesn’t work like that. You can’t run away from trauma forever. It will lurk in the shadows of your unconscious mind, waiting patiently for the trigger to go off.
14 months later, I couldn’t hide from it any longer. My body had had enough.
Diagnosed with burn out at the end of 2021, I was utterly exhausted. It felt like I had gone all the way back to square 1, and all I wanted to do was SLEEP. I took time off work, unwillingly, but also knowing it was the only way forward.